he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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