I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
