I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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