If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
