playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im six kinds of drunk right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
