She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
