I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We need to get me chipped asap
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
