I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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