Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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