i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
