trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
