I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
