i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
