how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
