It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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