I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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