So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
