I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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