I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
