I think i peed on brittanys purse
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
