How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize