You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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