I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
