Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
50% drunk capacity currently
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
