He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
