New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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