theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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