I need help removing her.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
