12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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