we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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