Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
