just tell him i said nine months
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
