you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
