Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
