I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
