I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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