Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
