Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You have to summon your inner elephant
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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