It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
