I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize