drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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