haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
