The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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