I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
