I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
