He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
