I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
