Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize