It's Friday. Sex?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
