is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
