We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
