Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
