I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
