i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
