just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
