And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
