I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
