guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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