I need help removing her.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
