I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
