Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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