dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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