Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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