i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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