they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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