I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
