one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
we should paint friendship bongs
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