just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
