You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
