This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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