you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
