You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just cut my nipple shaving
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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