i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
