my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The adults are the big ones right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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